Shy

The wrong life?

August 12, 2007 – 3:17 pm
Does anyone here ever feel like they were reborn into the wrong life? Like maybe you should be somewhere or someone else? Seems like everyday I awake it seems more and more like the case here. I seem to not be where I belong. Hell, I am not even sure where exactally that is! Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my kiddies and TigerS dearly. Wouldn't ever trade them for the world. I just seem to feel more and more out of sorts with each passing day. Possibly it is just that I am getting older and growing a bit. Maybe I need to let myself catch up with me... Maybe it is just that I am now going completely insane and this is the finalization of the process. All I know is that with each and every passing day I am feeling less and less like myself. Not in a bad way... Just very different.

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Forever and a day…

July 21, 2007 – 6:41 pm
I woke up this morning, ill. Headache, sore throat, vomiting... you know, the whole sick thing. I have so far taken 3- 40 minute showers letting the water beat down on my head, 4 RX pain killers that only assist enough to take the edge off and I have slept off and on most of the day. Finally woke about 30 minutes ago (wide awake now) and the headache is gone. Throat still hurts and I still feel like I got a hot sweat going on here. No temp. tho. I am just dreeding the whole headache thing coming back! It tends to do that and generally lasts on and off for a few days. :( PLEASE STAY AWAY! We have concert tickets for the Family Values Tour tomorrow and doors open at 1:30pm... I DO NOT want to be ill right now! ARRRHHHHHHHHHHH

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Someone just pissed on my poppies!

June 4, 2007 – 6:49 am
OMGZ... I have been dealing with a rollercoaster of emotional stress over the past year. I have been up and down, twisted and turned and popped insided out and backwards! Sometimes things are really good and sometimes I wish I could just lay down and die! I love my husband and children dearly but have been tossing back and fourth over the past year as to if I really want to be in this marriage. THAT alone is enough to kill a persons mood, add to that the stress of everyday life, children, dogs vomiting on the floor and the fact that I have a Panic Disorder... Well... you all get the idea! Things have been a bit better lately, until this morning... when I stepped on the scale! OMFGZ I have gained about 50 lbs since RWB 2006! Holy shit in my coffee! If that isn't depressing and as if I shouldn't ...

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My own space…

May 23, 2007 – 6:31 am
We purchased our current home 5 years ago. It is a real fixer upper and we have really put a lot of sweat and blood into the place. The outside is complete with the exception of the landscaping and deck. The inside, I am getting ready to tear into within the next week. Knowing the mess I am going to have here and all the chaos that will prevail, I am affraid that the inside environment will not be useful for meditation during this time. As an alternative, I have created my own little space in my flower garden area. This will serve as my relaxation area as we are completing the destruction and construction of inside walls. It is actually a beautiful little space and I look forward to using it soon! ;)

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I think I am here! ;)

May 21, 2007 – 2:14 am
I am thinking I made it! Not really sure tho, I could possibly be sleeping and dreaming. Perhaps I just THINK I am here but in all reality am not. Either way... I will see if I am here as soon as I press that little button that says "publish". Just think, it is all up to a little button to determine if I actually exist here or not. What has this world come to? ;)

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